The Dream

I feel myself floating, but I stand in the darkness. I hear the rain pattering, but I am completely dry. Everything feels peaceful, everything safe. Yet I feel confused. 

Where am I?

I remember myself getting up for work. I remember sitting in meetings. I work from home and I am taking a nap. “This is my lunch break” I say to myself, trying to trace my steps to figure it out. 

Where am I?

This isn't real. This isn’t real. I know this is a dream and I won't let myself forget. But a voice that isn't mine breaks through the darkness. She speaks to me but I don't know what she’s saying. I hear her in the distance and follow, hoping she has good intentions and not knowing where else to go. 

Where is she?

I hear my cat meowing. The sort of meow only her owner would know. The kind of meow she only gives when she is alone and scared. I feel myself being pulled back by her sounds, and to my surprise a part of me resists. 

Where is she?

I click my tongue a few times, a call for the cat. A call that tells her “I am here,” and the rest is up to her. But the sound comes not from my mouth. It comes from above me, far above me, where I can not see, or do not look. 

I love her. 

I close my eyes and I see her hop onto the bed. I see myself sleeping and I see her curl into my side. Her head rests on my chest, and her purrs reach my ears. 

She loves me. 

I open my eyes. I am in darkness once again. Floating, lost, the confusion returns. I hear the voice, and continue my search. The sound of rain grows distant, and the sound of purring fades. 

I need to find her.

The air grows still. The world feels peaceful. I can not see but I feel so comfortable. I feel myself sinking, dropping into an imaginary floor. I hear the voice deep below me. I let myself go.

I need to find her. 

I fall gently, fully consumed by the ground which I somehow knew was there. Beneath my home, beneath my feet, but now all around me. I hear her voice, in a language I do not recognise. Yet, I understand.

“Is it time to go?”

Go? Go where? But now she is silent. I don't understand. Yet I am so comfortable. Perhaps the most comfortable I have ever been in my life. 

“Is it time to go?”

Suddenly, the realization comes to me. No! It isn't time to go. I need to stay, I need to go back! For the first time, I look up. Above me, nearly out of sight I see my home, my cat, and my body. All peacefully laying in bed as I drift below them. 

I should be fighting this. 

It’s not my time. I am not old enough. My mother, my father, they are still alive. My sister will miss me. I am getting married in less than three months. It simply can’t be my time!

Can I fight this?

But it all feels so good. The floating, the peace, the life without worry. I can’t go, it's not my time. I know it's not my time. But god, I don’t want to leave. And I know I can't take it back. 

I’m sorry. 

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry…

My alarm goes off beside me, and I wake with a start. As though a ton of bricks landed on my chest as I struggle to breathe. My body is frozen, and I desperately look around. My cat is attempting to comfort me as she nuzzles deeper into my side.

Where am I? 

Where is she? 

What happened?

I am home.